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Just remember that the things you put into your head are there forever, he said. You might want to think about that.
You forget some things, dont you?
Yes. You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget. – Cormac McCarthy

I’ve never been much of a dreamer. I was raised to be a do-er. In the past, I’ve terribly failed at finishing to-do lists, at setting goals, at achieving milestones, at dreaming big. I got things done. Without a plan, without a to-do list, without a strategy. In my late teens and throughout my 20s I was determined. To simply move forward. I never took a break, I never stopped, I never paused and thought about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. It still feels like it was yesterday, having that crystal clear vision of your life, of how it’s supposed to look and feel like. Back then I didn’t know I was lost. I didn’t know that life wasn’t about moving forward as fast as you can. But that it was about taking detours, even moving backward and then again deciding to take a new direction.

In hindsight, it was easy. To just move from one life achievement to the next. From High School to a Bachelors degree, to a Masters degree, to another Masters degree and then a career with what many people called a dream job. It was an exhausting job, a fast-paced day with no energy left in the evenings and on weekends. So when all this came to a sudden stop, when I finally had time to think, to make plans, to dream, it felt like the most painful period in my life. A feeling I initially didn’t want to accept. I just wanted to keep on going but somehow there was something inside me that held me back.

There might be people who simply take such chances and hold onto it. I fought it. For many months. And when I realized that change was good and that I had never really taken care of my needs and dreams, it took me many more months to figure out what I wanted in life. It’s an ongoing journey and it feels like my dreams and goals are changing and adjusting every month. But there is one dream that has been stuck in my head for over a year now. And for the first time in my life, I know that I need to dream big. And that impossible dreams become reality if you work hard enough. There are no quick solutions and easy ways. It will be a difficult journey but at its end, I hope to own a house in France. A place in a small village where I can dream even bigger.

Until then I work hard to achieve this one goal. On its way, there are many small milestones. They are all leading in one direction. Sometimes I need to take a detour, sometimes I need to take a step back and sometimes I get lost. But it’s so much more fun to walk through life with a goal in sight. It’s far away and I might fail and this will hurt but all the sleepless nights and hopeless moments are so much more worth it than walking through life without any dreams. So until I set foot in France again, I just live off memories. Memories of freshly baked galettes, sweet pear trees in the countryside and Paris market stalls filled with the smell of rosemary.

French Pear & Apple Galette with Rosemary Syrup